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Grief

If man is from mars and women is from Venus, then nothing can put them in their places better than anger and grief.

Studies show that men all around the world have various means to deal with their anger and grief. A study of cross- cultural grief shows how men across different cultures consistently express more anger than women during grief, particularly if it is focused outside the self.

The truth of the matter is that expression of anger is more natural for men than expressing any other feelings. Men in our culture will sometimes find their other feelings of grief more pronounced through their anger. Sometimes, while a man is expressing anger loudly, he may suddenly be moved to tears which only indicate his real emotions. To men, touching on that profound and deep feeling of anger brought him in touch with his other feelings.

However, this process is reversed with women. Sometimes, when a woman is in tears, her tears are plainly about being angry. When she is in grief, she is more likely to be sad than angry.

Grief is as natural as the air we breathe for any disaster, whether natural or man-made, leaves us to grieve over our losses. This made us aware to a world in which our sense of security and control has been stolen. When a traumatic event is caused by another human being, the grief is often mixed with feelings of rage. People who have been victimized will then want to find out who is responsible and see to it that the guilty are punished. By this time, thoughts of revenge are quite normal, but too much of this kind of thinking can only delay the healing process. At this point also, it is convenient to find a target to our anger. This may be at someone specific such as the murderer or even doctors, nurses, friends, emergency response teams, funeral directors, family members or even ourselves. Often, God is a common target. This is also natural for if we cannot identify a specific target, we are like time bombs waiting to explode. Knowing what the anger is aimed at helps us control it rather than allowing it to control us.

However natural bereavement is though, it carries high risk factors when no support is available. Severe reactions to loss may cause trauma for children and spouses. Studies show that there is an increased risk of marital breakup following the death of a child. Also, many forms of mental illness and issues of personal faith and beliefs surface as persons are in the face of great pain. Probably the best resource to avoid problems from too much grief is early intervention and caring support, as well as understanding of the experience. We may not be able to control how we feel, but we can certainly control how we act so find an appropriate way and a safe place to get it all off your chest. A trusted and understanding friend, counselor, or a support group may prove to be helpful in this endeavor.

In dealing with other through a period of traumatic grief, recognize each person has a unique response. Generally, children of varying ages have varied reactions while each family member, co-worker, or friend also copes in different roles and routines. In scenarios like this, keep your focus on positive memories, rather than reliving the tragedy.

Think about the coping skills you have depended on in previously difficult times, and use them now. Also join a support group for there is comfort in sharing experiences, and strength in knowing you have helped others and allowed them to help you too.

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